85 percent of the college grads move home for some period of time

The first question most parents ask after college student moves back home is, "Should I charge rent", and it's not the important question. Our children come home with a lot of debt and face a very tough job market, so charging rent may be unproductive.

The question is really, "How can I help my adult child mature into a responsible adult". Carolyn Butler of The Washington Post interviewed me for some tips for parents.

If you want to learn about foster the characteristics of adulthood download, Mom, Can I Move Back Home With You available as an e-book.

Most Teens Suffer Depression Alone

Boys under report their depression and often don't get help. Unfortunately this pattern continues into adulthood. Eight percent of all teenagers ages 12-17 report  feeling depressed two or more weeks in the last year and this number breaks down very differently for girls than boys.  

In older teens, 15-17, 15% of girls and 6.4% of boys say they had a major depressive period in the preceding year.

Early intervention is key because depressed teenagers abuse drugs and/or alcohol to self medicate. Author Melissa Healy discusses Teen Screen a standardized mental health screening test for adolescents in The Los Angeles Times.

There Are Better Ways to Say You're Angry!

One of the most difficult things for many people to do is express anger. Some people bottle it up until they explode with venom and others go silent. We all learn whether to show our anger or hide our anger from our parents and what we learn can have a profound impact on our marriage.
For a good discussion of a smarter way to express anger by Elizabeth Bernstein click this link to her article in The Wall Street Journal.

The Most Common Regret Involves Romance

One in five respondents in a survey asking people their biggest regret discussed a lost opportunity in love. The next most common regret involves a family issue. In this study women fret about a lost love twice as much as men. People expressed regret about the things that got away more than regrets about the actions they took.

This is a thought provoking question for all of us.
How would you answer it?
Read the article by Tara Parker-Pope as well as the comments in The New York Times.

For more discussion read the article on the blog The Situationist for an interesting perspective of this very complicated emotion.

Do we focus too much on being happy?

Research in Positive Psychology, which studies Happiness, has found that too much focus on feeling happy can backfire and actually leave you feeling less happy. They found that the things that really matter in life aren't ones that lead to short bursts of pleasure like eating a good meal or winning in sports.

Eudaimonia- the Greek word associated with happiness- is said to come from achieving one's potential. It comes from having purpose and feeling part of a community, rather than wealth and possessions. The Wall Street Journal discusses whether Happiness is Overrated in an article by Shirley Wang.

After the Trauma Should You Get Your Feelings Out?

Recent studies say that it is not necessarily the best idea to pressure someone to debrief after a trauma. For some the act of retelling can even be harmful to them. We need to respect each individual's different means of coping which means we can't assume that talking about a frightening incidence will bring comfort. Most important is that in the face of trauma, social support is critical and can help one deal with something extremely difficult. Read more in the Times article by Maia Szalavitz.

Treat yourself kindly

There is a widespread belief that we are supposed to be hard on ourselves. However, research shows that if you treat yourself kindly and accept your imperfections you may have less depression and anxiety. Many people fear that they will become self indulgent or will lower their standards because they believe that self-criticism keeps them in line. The new thinking is that self- compassion leads to lower stress and life satisfaction. Read more in The New York Times.

How Cyberbullying Affects Children

Little research has explored the possible effects of cyberbullying on 

children.  


When students are asked how they believe cyberbullying affected 

them, they indicate that it made them sad and unwilling to attend 

school (Raskauskas & Stoltz, 2007).

A survey of middle and high school students

found that children who were cyber 

"bully/victims" (had cyberbullied others and 

also had been cyberbullied) had the highest 

rates of anxiety, depression and school 

absences compared to cyber "bullies", cyber 

"victims" and children who weren't involved 

in cyberbullying.  


This link will provide information for both parents and kids: Stop Bullying Now

The Science of Love

While we would like to believe we have control, our brain deserves the credit or blame for how we feel when we fall in love.

Many people would like to maintain the power and passion of early love, but most long term relationships will morph into a more stable state.  

Read about our the effect of our brain chemistry on falling in love in an interesting article by Jeffrey Kluger in a special edition of Time Magazine.

Parents delay kindergarten. Boys are redshirted.

What do you think about more and more children starting school almost six? Redshirting used to describe a college athlete sitting out his freshman year. Now the term is being used for kids starting kindergarten. Studies differ about whether there is a benefit to starting kindergarten at six. Click on the link at The Daily Beast for the full article.