How Can a Parent Foster Empathy?

The term "Emotional Intelligence" became widely-known with the publication of Dr. Daniel Goleman's book, Emotional Intelligence - Why it can matter more than IQ in 1996. Since then it has had a meteoric rise in importance because it is associated with good mental health and leadership skills. Put simply, people with emotional intelligence have both the ability to differentiate between different emotions and the ability to label their feelings. 

In the Huffington Post, author, Devishobha Ramanan identifies easy ways for parents to foster empathy, a critical component of 
emotional intelligence,  in children. 

Twentysomethings Moving Home

I first wrote about this phenomena in 2004. In fact my co-author and I were the first ones to publish a book on this subject, titled, Mom, Can I Move Back in With You? A guidebook for parents of twenty somethings. It's now available for the Kindle.

The topic has proved to be evergreen and journalists continue to write about Kids moving home after college. Adam Davison for the New York Times has pronounced, "It's Official: The Boomerang Kids Won't Leave!"

Well, I for one am not one bit surprised. The lack of generation gap coupled with the economy, student loans and low paying entry jobs and high rent makes moving home a smart choice. Moving home doesn't mean our kids are stunted, stuck or exeriencing arrested development.  

Moving home is a rational decision for parents and twenty

somethings that makes good sense. 

  

Compelling Reasons to Try Therapy

    The first reason to try therapy is to learn the skills to help us become more sufficient at helping ourselves.

Emotions are felt in our body and brain and when we don't have the ability to know the difference between anger, sadness, frustration, shame, etc. we are left feeling overwhelmed without any ability to help yourself. 

Feelings don't fade away, they get stored in the body and often affect us in ways we can't express in words.  Learning to decode and translate our feelings gives us the tools to help ourselves.  

In fact, many of the big things we may be ashamed to say become little things when we feel safe enough to speak about them.  It's comforting to know we are not alone. 

Alice Walton gives 11 Intriguing Reasons to Try Therapy in an article for ForbesIt's well done!

How Can Couples Nurture Passion?

Most relationships wish they could sustain the passion, the spark, the intense sexual attraction that exists in the beginning. But the reality for many is that passion fades even for the happiest couples. In this TED Talk, Author Esther Perel discuses The secret of desire in long term relationships. Please take some time to watch, I'm sure you will find this interesting!

Improve your relationship with you Mother or Daughter!

Why is the mother-daughter dynamic such a complex one? Some mothers want to walk and talk just like their adult daughters. Some daughters need their mothers' acceptance before they make any move. In honor of Mother's Day I'm posting the link to an interview on Oprah.com with Stephanie Mitchell about our book Too Close for Comfort? 
I recommend the interview, Stephanie is a good interviewer and asked in depth questions about this complicated subject. While you are on the site, there are many other articles and interviews on the subject.

Happy Mothers Day!

Are Marriages Better Today?

In the past, the expectation of getting all our needs met by our spouse was not something expected by either partner. But married couples today have very high expectations for their marriage. Couples assume that marriage itself will provide them with personal self-fillment.  This is a relatively new notion and places too much pressure and expectations of the marriage.  Marital satisfaction is is important because happier marriages make happier people. In the article, The All or Nothing Marriage in the New York Times, Eli Finkel discusses whether he thinks the average marriage is better today than in previous decades.

Is There an Empathy Gap?

Adolescence is such a complicated time. Our teens' bodies are making radical changes and their brains are maturing while busy pruning unused synapses. At the same time there is enormous social upheaval made more potent and dramatic because of the impact of social media. 

Now brain scientists are parsing out the details of when empathy is developed stating that affective and cognitive empathy develop not just in childhood, but in the teenage years, first in girls and then in boys.

This information helps explains the cruelty in middle school when so many teenagers are indifferent to the suffering of their peers on Facebook, ask.fm, etc. 

Read, Teens Are Still Developing Empathy Skills by Sue Shellenbarger in The Wall Street Journal

to learn more.